Mr. Whimsy & A Spit Take

I'll bet you're wondering what happened with eHarmony. Well, I'm still on it, but I'm increasingly disappointed. After the initial wave of I'm-a-brand-new-user-so-super-popular messages, "smiles," and conversation-starter multiple choice questions, the gushing river of eHarmony has slowed to a trickle. Which is fine. What I learned from last year is that I need my dating app life to not overwhelm me. Getting a hit two or three times a week is more than plenty.

Speed Dating & the Virtues of Staying Home

All right, I'll come clean, I've been claiming to want to try speed dating for at least as long as I've been writing this blog, purely for "scientific research." It was the stone left unturned, the one thing I felt I hadn't tried and which, I felt sure, would make for a blog-worthy story.

Although none of that is technically a lie, the true-er truth is that I've pretty much wanted to try speed dating ever since that one scene in the movie Hitch. (For a highlight, skip to the 2:25 mark.)

As you've probably guessed, my ambition finally came to fruition. At long last the opportunity presented itself, and how could I resist? Essentially, the weekend prior to Valentine's Day, Navy Pier partnered with Chicagoland Singles to create this magical event for those of us "looking for love." Oh yes. Speed dating. But on a Ferris Wheel.

eHarmony & Mr. Not Bad

Well, folks, when we last left our hero (that's me!), she was distracting herself with the holidays, entertaining her family and dealing with her disorganized older brother, shopping for gifts for everyone on her list, and whipping up a bowl of champagne punch for her inaugural Christmas party, what she hoped would become a new annual tradition.

She spent New Year's Eve alone with a bottle of wine, enough Italian take-out for 2 people, and an endless queue of NCIS on Netflix. She fell asleep by 10:30 P.M. She made a resolution this year to start treating herself like a lady. To start doing more of the things she loved, like going to the theatre, the museum, to nice restaurants, and to dress herself up to do it. What was the point of having pretty clothes that never got worn?

Mr. Goodman & the Identity Crisis

Ladies & Gentleman, I have returned. So brace yourself for a tall dark glass of whine, and while you're at it may I recommend the Italian sheep's milk cheese to pair with it? Simply delicious.

Yes, I'm back, and no, nothing good can come from it.

"What happened? You stalled for months and then fell off the map altogether!"

Well, dear reader, the answer to your accusing question is multifaceted.

Critical Thinking

Good morning, Readers. Well, it's morning as I'm writing this. It will be afternoon once you're reading it. But right now there's coffee and it's a pretty sunny day out and I don't have to be at work until the afternoon. Mornings (the relaxed kind when you get to wake up naturally, that is) are honestly becoming my favorite time of day the older I get. Everything is peaceful outside because most people are at work, and the weather has finally turned comfortable enough that I can sit outside and sip my coffee and enjoy the view.

So with that zen state of mind, I have another batch of questions to respond to:

OK Rachel, good job with my first round of questions. Since you asked, here is a second round with maybe even tougher questions.

You mentioned dating someone of the correct age. Is that physical age? Appearance age? or emotional maturity level? What difference does age make if you make someone very happy and they make you very happy? Scenario question: You are in a committed relationship with a very loving and caring man of very average looks. In to the room walks very tall, dark, and makes you weak in the knees handsome. And he's giving you some attention. What do you do? Will you go out with a physically attractive man you have compatibility/committment issues with in the hopes you can help him change?(I can tell you I have personally seen this one blow up a number of times.) This last question may be pushing it a bit, but what if have met/are dating someone who is right for you in nearly every way EXCEPT no matter how hard you or he try he's not a very good...well..."lover"? CD

Damn CD. Back at it again with the white vans. …I'm sorry that was a somewhat obscure reference. Ignore me. Anyway. Here we go.

Meek vs. Dauntless: The Epic Rap Battle

Recently someone commented the following:

before you answer anymore questions a quick update PLEEZE. i can't believe no one nice has asked you out on a date in over a month!

Well, my dear, believe it. I hate to say this, because it is exactly as pathetic and lonely as it sounds, but lately if I'm not working, I'm sitting home alone watching Supergirl in my pajamas. But, it so happens that I actually intended to update you all on a recent event regardless.

On a rare night out and an even rarer opportunity to put on the ritz, I attended a wedding a couple of weeks ago. My very dear childhood friend Jenna recently married her honest-to-goodness True Love, Matt. And I want to take a moment to say that it's couples exactly like Jenna & Matt who give me hope that maybe one day I'll be as blessed as they were to find each other. Their wedding was elegant, classic, and beautiful, and yeah, I happy-cried about four times. If you're ever looking for me at a wedding, I'm the gal weeping while handing out tissues to all the other weeping women around me. (Where's my big brother when I need him? He carries a handkerchief for exactly such occasions.)

And what better way to meet single men than at a wedding reception, right? Meh. Not in my experience. Actually, at nearly all of the weddings I've attended, I've found myself to be one of the only dateless guests there. That said, there were a few familiar faces at this reception whom I had met at other parties Matt & Jenna hosted, and for once, I was not the only person without a Plus One.

Itemization

A question from a good friend:

What if I don't know what I want in a romantic partner? I've been in a single serious relationship and a few flings, but none of them left me with any real preferences beyond "not an idiot, PLEASE". I mean, I'm a pretty laid back individual, but surely there's some way to figure out what I'm looking for without destroying lives and/or becoming a serial dater (like K, I'm not hugely into the dating game, and going out on multiple dates with different people in a short time period sounds like torture). WHAT DO I WANT? And how do I find it?

Just because I know who posted this comment, I happen to know that this piece of advice will be met with unbridled enthusiasm rather than an eyeroll: Have you considered making a list?

An Important Distinction

ETA: There have been issues with Blogger's comment section. I have no idea why. If I have not answered your comment by now it's almost definitely because it never published. I'm sorry for this discouraging hassle but please, especially if you are commenting from a mobile device, refresh the page after you post a comment to doublecheck that it actually published. (Copy the text of your comment before you do so, just in case.)

Afternoon, kiddos! I'm back again with the last question in my queue (hint hint if you have anything you're burning to know). I hope that this will be the last time for a good while that I rant about my beef with people who fetishize my job, but I couldn't ignore this comment.

Rachel, absolutely love your blog! What has happened to our profession? Not to upset you further, and risk glitter bombing my place, but commercials like this one for mens razors really bother me, and seem to perpetuate the stereo types. It is on tv constantly. With ads like this it is no wonder we get harassed at work..and home. 

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/Aprf/dollar-shave-club-mile-high

When I get up some courage, I'll share stories of my personal life. My dating history will sound awfully familiar to you. You are not alone.

First of all: Aw, thank you!

Second of all: Ew. Like, really ew. Seriously, do people not realize how disgusting airplane bathrooms are? Never mind how small? Unless you're on a government-subsidized airline in which First Class passengers basically have their own personal suites, even the nicest bathroom on the plane is about 1/8 of that size. And no matter which airline you're on, government subsidized or otherwise, I really don't want to tell you how unsanitary it is in there. Clean enough to use for the purpose it was intended for, followed by a good wash of the hands? Absolutely. Clean enough to use for sexual rendezvous? Um, no. So much ew.

Fun Dates are Fun Because They're Fun

Back again with another question this week, from one of you. If you haven't asked something but have a question burning on your mind, please take advantage of the anonymous comment option below and leave it for me! I'm really enjoying hearing what's on everyone's mind.

Today's question comes from K:

Rachel, how do I make dating fun? Do I Clockwork Orange myself with romcoms until I am convinced something like that can happen to me? Or more specifically, how can dating be more attractive to someone who is not socially inclined other than "if you don't do it, you'll be alone forever"? 

Also, how to politely tell my parents that I do not need them setting me up with their friends' children?? Last time I checked arson was a felony??
K

Interview With a Single Woman

I'm delighted to say that I got enough response to my last call for help to allow me to write and schedule my next several posts to be published on Wednesdays at noon for the next couple of weeks. All I can say is to those of you who replied, whether you left an actual question for me or not, thank you. And if you didn't write in with a question yet, please consider leaving one this time!

So, in no particular order, I'll be replying to you all over my next few posts.

OK Rachel, since you asked. What is most important quality in a man you just met: good looks, good paycheck, good sense of humour, secure future, honesty, or other? Be honest!! Will you date someone that was introduced through family of friends? Have you dated co-workers? Will you not date someone you have just met because you can't imagine yourself married to them, or do you let things play out and enjoy the moment? What type of man would you like to date: Businessman, teacher, pro athlete, farmer, military, musician, artist, scientist, doctor, or other? Finally, do you think you are too particular in selecting who you date, and that is why you are not meeting the right guy, or do you think you are not particular enough, and that is why you have had so many bad experiences? 

CD

Dear Men Who Hit on Me on the Plane:

Dear Men Who Hit on Me on the Plane,

You're only interested in me because I represent an unlimited supply of Jack & Cokes.

Sincerely,
Your Flight Attendant


No really, what is it about Jack Daniels that seems to be some sort of flight-crew-specific aphrodisiac? I should conduct a study.

But that's it folks, that's this week (and last week's) post. I'm having what we in the business of dating like to call "a dry spell," and I'm not talking about sexually. I mean my life has been devoid of even the smallest of romantic interactions, welcome or otherwise, unless you include a drunk man in a cowboy hat trying to get my number off of me on a flight to Miami this past weekend. (That's pretty much all there is to the story.)

So, in light of the situation, I have decided to open up a Q&A. To my friends who read this blog every time I post, the ones who e-mail me to tell me how much you've enjoyed it, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO HELP ME. Please, ask a question below about ANYTHING. Blogger will allow you to leave a comment anonymously. I would prefer you use this resource, rather than e-mail or messaging me separately, simply so I can keep everything together. However, if you would rather use one of those methods, that's fine.

I will answer anything within reason (i.e. if you ask whether I'm a member of the Mile High Club, I will send a glitter bomb to your house), whether it's about my personal dating history, about my opinion on dating etiquette, or about anyone who's ever been mentioned in the blog. Alternatively, if you want to share a story about your dating experiences, I would love to hear about it and talk about it in a post.

This will only work if I actually get a response, so if you're reading this, I'm talking to YOU.

ETA: It seems I should apologize. Anonymous comments were disabled on the blog without my realizing it. I have adjusted the settings so that you should be able to leave them now. If I am wrong, I apologize. Alternatively, if you prefer to contact me through e-mail or message on facebook/tumblr, you know that I never use real names on this blog and I will not share anyone's identity in a blog post.

Mr. Recovery & Flight Attendant Problems

Miss me? I realize I missed a week, but (as cliché as it may sound) I have been throwing myself into my work lately, taking on a lot of extra assignments and opportunities. Those who know me best know that being a Flight Attendant wasn't necessarily what I had planned for my life (Gone are my dreams of playing Juliet, Cordelia, or Ophelia, sadly.), but now that it's my life, I'm enjoying what I can about it—primarily the travel opportunities—and working very hard to ensure it's not what I'm doing for the rest of my career. A lot of Flight Attendants are in it for life, flying well into their 80s in many cases. I applaud them and think that's amazing, but I also know I will not be happy doing the same. So I'm working hard to make sure I have a future at my company that will bring me more fulfillment than than my current situation. Career goals? I'd like to be able to actually buy an airline ticket when I want to.

So what I'm saying is my love life is taking a necessary backseat, which has kind of been a relief, honestly, because I've been sick of dealing with it. If you're wondering about Coffee Meets Bagel, I was still using it up until last night. As I said, the nice thing about CMB is that it isn't an addictive time-killer. You log in once a day and occasionally check and reply to your messages.

Which is how I ended up talking to Mr. Recovery—so named because while we were chatting he was down in Baton Rouge helping his friends and family with damage control after a major flood. I know. Endearing, right?

Of Bagels & Lemon Bars

In my absolute determination to write a post about ANYTHING other than the fact that randomly, against all odds, I've been accidentally running into (and deliberately ignoring) Mr. Charming which for some reason led him to add me on SnapChat at 2:00 A.M. one morning, I downloaded a dating app.

So welcome to my review of Coffee Meets Bagel. I was inspired to retry this app because one of my new roommates met her current boyfriend on it about three months again. (Both new roommates are completely awesome, by the way. Thanks for asking.)

Pushing For Positvity

Lately this blog has become a bit of a downer. I guess the collateral of writing a blog about my love life is writing about my love life when it's less successful. So I have to decided to do two things to cheer everyone up. One, I am going to share a bit of dialogue that I had with my father this week when my parents were in town visiting me with their dog Wendy. Two, I am going to write a list of reasons I am happy to be single. The first one is going to be the easy part.

An Unexpected Redemption Story

I owe it to someone to patch up his reputation a little bit. So despite my desire to burn all men at the stake just now, I'm swallowing down my pride and admitting to a case of hasty judgment.

A couple of days ago I got a text from Mr. Entrepreneur, much to my shock. It was a late night text on a Friday, just asking how I've been. After everything that happened with Mr. Charming only a week prior, I wasn't exactly amused. Frankly I was pissed. Where does this guy get the nerve, thinking I want anything to do with him? Why do all these guys think they can treat me like shit and I will still jump at the chance to see them!?

Of course, after I calmed down a little bit, I remembered my promise not to ghost anyone, and I remembered that over all, Mr. Entrepreneur really didn't seem like such a bad guy. He just made a few mistakes and ultimately wasn't the right guy for me anyway. So I sent back the bare minimum "Fine, thanks," kind of reply. He didn't get the hint. Or maybe he did, but he had a little more tenacity than I'm actually giving him credit for. Remember: we're repairing his reputation here. Much like Lizzie Bennet in Pride & Prejudice I am not always a reliable narrator. I tell you stories from my own heavily biased view point. Either way, I got a second date ask out.

>>>> That's good! Would you want to hang out again? Or you weren't really feeling it? Haha.

Little Black Dress Moments

"So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit."

I wish I could say "Here endeth the lesson." But the truth is, this is where it begins. I am pretty sure that I opened my very first post on this site with this quote. It's a personal favorite of mine. But even with this life-altering approach to dating, it's still easy to get swept up in the temptation of making excuses for a person you're attracted to. That said, I pride myself that there's only so far he can go before I stop making those excuses.

Mr. Entrepreneur and the Dud Date

[If you haven't read my blog in a while, I hope you'll read this post because in addition to a general dating etiquette reminder I shouldn't have to make, the last couple of paragraphs also contain an important safety PSA that I really shouldn't have to make.]

For those of you waiting on the edges of their seats: Yes, I ended up going on a date with the Uber driver, Mr. Entrepreneur. The title of this post probably tells you everything you need to know, but I'm going to tell you all about it anyway.

I ended up postponing our date after I got in from a red-eye and had been yelled at by one too many passengers that day. I wasn't feeling much like being around other human beings that day, and I figured I wouldn't be giving Mr. Uber a fair chance if I went out with him in this mood. Besides that, he'd mentioned recently having had a nasty sore throat, and I figured he'd be relieved to get a little extra recovery time. (That, and I won't pretend my desire not to get sick myself wasn't a contributing factor. It definitely was.)

So Thursday night at last we met up. To Entrepreneur's credit, he chose a good location. I happen to be a big fan of Antique Taco in Wicker Park, and if you haven't been, you should definitely give it a shot. (Pro-Tip: Try the rosemary margarita. And if you're on a first date, I can say as someone of moderate-to-slightly-above-average alcohol tolerance, I drank one of these and didn't feel anything, so they're not dangerously potent when paired with food.)

Emotional Roller Coasters & Uber Drivers

I'm an emotional wreck sometimes. Just thought you should all know. Sometimes, literally in the course of 24 hours, with no extenuating circumstances, I can wake up in the morning thinking "I'm so glad I'm single; I hate dating because it's the actual worst," and end the night lying in bed crying (literally crying. I am not exaggerating this to you.) because "I am so lonely. Why won't anyone love me?"

If you think it sounds exhausting, confusing, and difficult to keep up with, imagine living it. It's a mess. And as of this week, I have a new rule:

Mr. Next Door & Something Refreshing

I have a crush, and it's not on Mr. Charming.

…okay, well to be fair, Mr. Charming still makes my heart go pitter-patter, but he's also exhausting. I don't like the amount of time I spend thinking about him, knowing that he's probably not thinking about me. Or if he is thinking about me, he's damned good at hiding it. Which to be perfectly honest, isn't that much better. Why hide it? I'm making my interest pretty obvious here, bro. You literally have nothing to lose, seeing as we left my dignity at the last rest stop 20 miles back.

He's been missing in action since the cookout last week, working almost non-stop (which, admittedly, is starting to explain the lost month to me a little bit.), so I've been left feeling very…bored. Bored and restless. Not a good combination.

A Matter of Trust

"Do you trust me?"

I don't know.

I know you've been waiting to hear this with baited breath. Mr. Charming's home from Greece. He had a spectacular time, as he showed me in his vacation photos, most of which displayed him either alone or in the company of male friends. If there were any other variety, I was thankfully shielded from those.

The funny thing is I was kept quite busy while he was gone, between work and out-of-town visitors. So I was amply distracted from treacherous thoughts of what he might be getting up to on his vacation half-way around the world.

But Wednesday was more difficult. I had an airport standby shift at work, and my mind had a little too much freedom to wander as I sat there for several hours with nothing to do. So I texted Mags, double-checking with her on a book-club related question. And about life's more important dilemmas:

<<<<Also, I have been doing sooo well this week about not thinking about Charming and definitely NOT picturing bikini-clad Greek girls seducing him, but I'm on airport standby with nothing to do for 6 hrs but read and now my brain won't shut up about it!!!!! ARGH!