So what I'm saying is my love life is taking a necessary backseat, which has kind of been a relief, honestly, because I've been sick of dealing with it. If you're wondering about Coffee Meets Bagel, I was still using it up until last night. As I said, the nice thing about CMB is that it isn't an addictive time-killer. You log in once a day and occasionally check and reply to your messages.
Which is how I ended up talking to Mr. Recovery—so named because while we were chatting he was down in Baton Rouge helping his friends and family with damage control after a major flood. I know. Endearing, right?
Mr. Recovery had a lot of potential. He struck me as intelligent, as family-oriented, and as a man of relatively good taste, thanks to a fairly witty and well-written profile. So although I wasn't entirely sure how physically attractive I found him (not the best photos on his profile), I thought, with resounding, enthusiastic conviction, "Meh. Why not?"
We started chatting and he eventually asked if he could take me out to dinner, which I agreed to. We had the date scheduled for next Wednesday night, once he got home to River North, and I wrapped up all my work commitments for the month. I gave him my phone number, and we began texting.
I've mentioned before having issues with online dating and my job. I've gone as far as to remove my job from my profile on many sites and even to blur the truth when asked what I do for a living. I usually give the vaguest of replies "I work in hospitality." Unfortunately, when I'm straight up honest about it, I encounter any, or a combination of, the following problems:
- Men who find the job overly fascinating and don't want to talk about anything else but my job, which frankly gets really boring after a while. Who wants to talk about nothing but work all the time? I'm so much more than just my job. In this situation, I answer a few questions before trying to steer the conversation to something—anything—else, only to have the guy immediately change the subject back. It's exasperating and boring.
- Men who straight up ask for free stuff. Miles, flights, etc. They're interested in using me because of my job and are too moronic to even disguise it.
- Men who ask wildly inappropriate questions about the job because they have a fetishized idea of Flight Attendants, and they view me as some sort of potential fantasy wish-fulfillment. Which…ew.
Mr. Recovery turned out to be a lovely combination of 1 & 3. After scheduling dinner with me next Wednesday, he asked how I like my job. I responded that I was at a training seminar to allow me to come home and help facilitate a series of conferences at O'Hare, and mostly I was enjoying it. I asked about his job and the fact that he mentioned having to use public speaking skills as well, got the briefest of replies before he laid this little gem on me:
Because really, what the hell? I'm so done with men who think this is any different from asking a girl if she's ever had sex on her desk at work. I don't care what sexual fantasies you're jacking off to alone in your room but actually asking someone a question like this is so offensive. I'm a professional, you asshole. Go ahead; tell your mother you asked me if I've ever had sex in my place of work. Tell your mother you asked me if "First class passengers feel entitled to smack my butt" as I'm going down the aisle. Tell your mother you asked me if I've ever caught passengers trying to have sex on the plane and what I do if that happens. Are you hoping I'm going to say I joined them? God, you perv-y idiots.
As often as this happens (a disturbing amount, by the way), I found myself pretty disappointed in this case because, as I said, Mr. Recovery seemed as though he had a lot of potential. I was really disappointed and already debating whether or not to cancel the date. Those kind of questions always tell me that the guy isn't actually interested in me, he's interested in the fact that I'm a flight attendant.
However, Mr. Recovery recovered…or tried to. The next morning he messaged me with what appeared to be a sincere apology, stating that he "Hadn't meant to say anything demeaning" and that he was "so sorry." Okay, fair. I was willing to let him try to get past it, and we continued making small talk. Still, he continued exhibiting the first problem I mentioned, the one where he couldn't seem to have a conversation with me about anything except my job.
He asked which airline I work for, then elaborated on all the reasons why he flies with another airline. I treated this with a sense of humor, while rolling my eyes as far back in my head as they'll go. Then he asked, again, how I like the job. I replied:
<<<< It's okay. Customer service that doesn't pay super well, but the travel opportunities can be really great, obviously. I definitely don't want to do it for the rest of my career though.
And then this piece of work, who should have been treading extremely carefully, having offended me less than 12 hours ago with an incredibly inappropriate question, sends me the following:
>>>> How did you get into it? Do you get hit on a lot?
Are you kidding me? I refused to reply, even half an hour later when he texted me again.
For the record, I'm not considering this ghosting, so I'm not breaking my resolution. If he texts me again and asks if we're still on for Wednesday, I will be more than happy to tell him he can go to hell, and that I'm not interested in dating someone who can't tell the difference between porn and reality.