03 August 2016

Pushing For Positvity

Lately this blog has become a bit of a downer. I guess the collateral of writing a blog about my love life is writing about my love life when it's less successful. So I have to decided to do two things to cheer everyone up. One, I am going to share a bit of dialogue that I had with my father this week when my parents were in town visiting me with their dog Wendy. Two, I am going to write a list of reasons I am happy to be single. The first one is going to be the easy part.

My Father: A Short Play
Scene: I am sitting on the floor with Wendy sprawled on top of me, getting her ears scratched. She is a mid-size English Setter who thinks she is a tiny lap dog. She is also my favorite cuddle partner in the world. I am scratching her ears affectionately. My father is sitting on the couch. We are waiting on my mother to be ready to leave for dinner. I sigh. 
ME: I would be so much happier if I had a dog. 
There is a long pause. 
FATHER: So have you been dating at all lately? 
End scene.
Moral of the story? No man will ever love me as much as Wendy loves me. Just look at her:

Size Wendy believes she still is after 8 years.

Actual size Wendy really is.

Now, onto the list. This is where I have to force myself to think positively. Because the reality of the situation is that the reason I'm able to write a blog about my love life is that I am perpetually dissatisfied with it. Material just presents itself. I am nothing if not an expert at complaining. So here we go. Positivity all the way.

Reasons I Enjoy Being Single
(in no particular order of priority)

  1. I can dress how I want. There has been a disturbing slew of men over the last few years feeling uncomfortably entitled to tell me all of the following and more: "You should wear better bras. You have really amazing boobs but your bras hide it." "I hate lipstick. It's gross." "You should wear your hair in pigtails." "You should wear your hair down." "You should wear more short skirts." "Your work uniform looks terrible on you." "Everyone looks crappy in winter clothes but I guess you look better than average." "You look like you're from the 1800s in that long skirt." …and that's leaving out some of the more personal, embarrassing things men have said. Seriously what the hell? Not that I necessarily let these men straight up tell me how to look, but it did influence me. When I'm single I wear what I feel good in.
  2. I don't have to accommodate someone else's schedule. At least not on a regular basis. The worst part about having a boyfriend (particularly when I was dating Mr. Manipulation) was that I was constantly bending over backwards to be there for their stuff. Sprinting through airports, speeding down the interstate, flying lower hours and taking a lesser paycheck so I could be there for his stuff, apologizing for delays and cancellations and other things well out of my control: I've done it all. I flew cruddy hours and lousy trips because the days off allowed me to be there for my significant other, and it was a pain in the ass. Now I of course take family and occasionally friends into consideration when I'm bidding on a schedule, but primarily I'm putting myself first. Yay selfishness. Sometimes it feels so good.
  3. I'm nesting. Which is not just a thing pregnant women do. As of August 1st I passed the longest amount of time I have lived in the same place since college. I have really been focusing on decorating this apartment in a way that makes me happy and speaks to my tastes and it makes me feel so good to be here. I feel like I'm learning more about who I am because of this, particularly because there's no one else influencing the choices or the moods. It's strictly me.
  4. More time for reading. Which sounds silly but my fellow book lovers will definitely understand this one. Particularly since I started a book club early last spring, I have been reading almost double what I had the last few years. One day I'll find a man who I can cuddle with while reading, but until that time, reading tends to be more of a solitary activity.
  5. Getting my flirt on. I have a very flirtatious personality, even when I don't necessarily mean to. Being single means not having to stress about being inappropriate when talking to "other" men. Also deliberate flirting is fun. It can be fun going to a bar or a party and letting someone chat me up. It's fun doing the whole hair-flip, sultry-smile, eyelash-batting, I'm-going-to-go-do-something-so-you-can-watch-me-walk-away thing. And I can do it as much as I want or don't want.
  6. Not having to impress anyone. Parents, friends, coworkers…I don't have to worry about the consequences if someone doesn't like me. Conversely, I don't have to worry about any of my people getting a bad impression of a boyfriend. For me, this is a big deal when I'm dating someone, and a considerable source of anxiety. And don't get me started on the mother from Brazil who only spoke Portuguese around me even though she spoke English and the only things I can say in Portuguese are "Thank you," and "Chicken or Beef?" Being single sets me free from such problems.
  7.  I eat what I want when I want, and I can spend what I want on that food. Sadly, the fact that this is an item on the list says a lot about the quality of the men I have been seeing, but it's my list and I can say what I want. One was obsessed with counting calories and telling me I should/shouldn't be eating at certain times of day, or the amount that I wanted, or the type of food I was eating, or…you get the picture. Another was an extremely unadventurous eater and managed to find an item on any menu that was almost identical to something he could make at home, which made me feel like going out to eat was a waste. Now, I can go out and splurge on a quality meal at a fancy restaurant and not have to take anyone else's opinion into the matter. #foodielife
  8. I only shave my legs when I feel like it. Which, to be fair, I still do pretty frequently because I like how a good close shave feels, but it's nice not having to plan on it for someone else, especially when I don't always have the time. (For the men out there: A good leg-shave can easily double a gal's time in the shower.) Also shaving supplies are expensive. Blades, creams, moisturizer…it adds up. Especially when you're treating your skin right like I am. (By the way, for the ladies reading this: this exfoliator bar from Lush is the best thing that has ever happened to my shaving routine and it is worth every damn penny.)
That's all I got. I was really hoping I could push this to a ten item list but I'm coming up short. For now, we're going to have to call this good.

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