27 April 2016


Oh, let's be honest. We all saw the writing on the wall. We knew this was coming. I won't even pretend to be blindsided myself. In spite of my occasionally lacking judgment skills when it comes to dating, even I can't kid myself.

I haven't heard from Mr. Charming in over a week now. In fact, I haven't heard from him since he told me he'd let me know if he was free Friday. In other words, apparently I don't even warrant so much as a

>>>> can't make it sry


But guys? It still hurts. Even when you know you're headed for a fall, see it coming miles away, when the thing actually happens, foresight doesn't make it any less…ouch.

To be perfectly honest, I'm confused more than anything. Definitely hurting, but also just genuinely disoriented. I saw that he was pulling away or losing interest based solely on the fact that I wasn't hearing from him. But the last time I saw him in person, it felt like we were on a similar page: Having a Good Time & Enjoying One Another's Company, generally wanting to continue Having a Good Time & Enjoying One Another's Company. And, as you know, I was considering suggesting that we continue Having a Good Time & Enjoying One Another's Company with just each other.

So maybe he's spineless and fears commitment. Maybe he sensed that we were approaching that point and ran. I don't know. All I know is it all feels weird. Even as I was bracing myself for the inevitable, I found myself questioning why it was happening. What exactly made him lose interest? Or, as that horrible little voice in my head keeps phrasing it "How did I manage to screw this up?"

There's nothing fun about rejection. I like to flatter myself that I'm really quite good at it, all things considered. Between studying theatre and 6 consecutive years of unrequited love, I consider myself an expert at rejection. But you know what? No matter how much practice you get, it still stings just as much every time. The only thing you really learn is how to handle it.

Meanwhile none of my friends wants to hear about how a guy I've only been seeing a couple of weeks hurt my feelings. Most people assume that it's not that big of a deal because it wasn't that serious. They offer no sympathy or advice beyond "Well he's a dick," which isn't actually that helpful because it sort of feels like they're commenting on my taste in men more than on Charming's behavior.

What do I need? Not sure. But what I want is for someone to coddle me and say how sorry they are that I'm hurting, no matter how little on the grand scale. I kind of want someone to come throw an arm around my shoulder and give me a hug and say "Let's go get some Jack & Cokes and forget that loser. It's his loss." I need someone to build up my self esteem. But in the process of telling ourselves it's not that big of a deal when we get rejected, we start telling each other that it's not that big of a deal. That's a lie. No matter how much experience you get, rejection will always hurt. It will always be personal. It will always be memorable. Every. Damn. Time.

I wish I could say otherwise, but that's the truth. You don't get good at rejection. You get good at moving on from it.

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