Interview With a Single Woman

I'm delighted to say that I got enough response to my last call for help to allow me to write and schedule my next several posts to be published on Wednesdays at noon for the next couple of weeks. All I can say is to those of you who replied, whether you left an actual question for me or not, thank you. And if you didn't write in with a question yet, please consider leaving one this time!

So, in no particular order, I'll be replying to you all over my next few posts.

OK Rachel, since you asked. What is most important quality in a man you just met: good looks, good paycheck, good sense of humour, secure future, honesty, or other? Be honest!! Will you date someone that was introduced through family of friends? Have you dated co-workers? Will you not date someone you have just met because you can't imagine yourself married to them, or do you let things play out and enjoy the moment? What type of man would you like to date: Businessman, teacher, pro athlete, farmer, military, musician, artist, scientist, doctor, or other? Finally, do you think you are too particular in selecting who you date, and that is why you are not meeting the right guy, or do you think you are not particular enough, and that is why you have had so many bad experiences? 

CD

[Side Note: This game of everyone signing their initials cracks me up because I am trying very hard not to guess who posted what, although in some cases it was pretty obvious.]

CD had several questions which is why I'm answering this one first. I can knock a bunch of things out in one post. Okay, deep breath, here we go:


Q. What is most important quality in a man you just met: good looks, good paycheck, good sense of humour, secure future, honesty, or other? 

A. Integrity. With integrity comes kindness and honesty and a value for human dignity. There are hundreds of qualities I find attractive in a man and a hundred more I think are important, but if he lacks integrity there's just no point.


Q. Will you date someone that was introduced through family of friends?

A. Absolutely! Actually I have done this in the past. although I still maintain that when it comes to a set-up, I prefer double dates. Less pressure for everyone involved. But yeah, I would definitely date someone I met through friends or family. I'd almost prefer it.

Sadly, as far as I'm aware, no one in my friend group (or my family for that matter) knows anyone single and the right age for me.


Q. Have you dated co-workers?

A. Why yes, yes I have, though not at my current company. (Mr. Charming doesn't count, as he worked for my company's regional carrier. He and I would never work the same aircraft or trip.)

But yes, I've done this. In the particular circumstance I'm thinking of it was a major, major mistake. Think those snobby sales clerks on Rodeo Drive not taking Julia Roberts' money in Pretty Woman. That level mistake.

Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

Admittedly, the reason this was so catastrophic had almost nothing to do with the fact that we were coworkers and everything to do with the fact that he turned out to be a sociopath with a very carefully constructed facade in place. (But that's a can of worms I'll open when I feel like having the "this is what consent is" talk with you guys.)

Would I date a coworker now? Probably, for the right guy, but it's a ground I would tread very carefully. Professionalism is important to me and not something I'm willing to jeopardize.


Q. Will you not date someone you have just met because you can't imagine yourself married to them, or do you let things play out and enjoy the moment?

A. Tricky. If it becomes clear to me that I definitely have no future with someone, I will probably keep it in check. A couple of dates might be fun, but I don't want to mislead someone I know is wrong for me, and if he's wrong for me, I'm probably not enjoying the moment that much. I also have a bad tendency to fall in love hard and fast. I don't want to catch myself giving years of my life to someone when I know they can't give me what I want. Again.


Q. What type of man would you like to date: Businessman, teacher, pro athlete, farmer, military, musician, artist, scientist, doctor, or other?

A. …All of the above? 

If only! Frankly, I have been attracted to and gone out with a very wide variety of guys. I definitely have a thing for athletic types. I really prefer someone who is physically fit.

Aside from that, there's not some specific career-field I'm looking to date (although there are definite benefits to some of the ones you mentioned), but I like a well-dressed and career-minded man. In fact, those two items are starting to become a requirement the older I get. Here's why:

1. Well-dressed. This isn't about money, it's about presentation. I want a man who takes pride in his appearance (which allows me to take pride in mine, by the way. I am so sick of "dressing down" to accommodate others). I'd also like to be able to confidently introduce him to my family one day without my dad going ballistic afterward about his appearance. (Pro-tip: shave before going to church or out to dinner with my family.)
   
2. Career-minded. Again, this is not about money or a specific career field, but I am an ambitious hard-worker and more and more I find that I just can't relate to a Significant Other who is not. Mr. Manipulation loved his job, and never wanted to change anything ever, in spite of the fact that he informed me he wants kids but couldn't support a family on his salary so that would be "on me." He liked feeling like he knew exactly what he was doing and would never have pursued anything that took him off of that tiny mountain top for any amount of time. On the other hand, Mr. Mess hated his job passionately, but due to his fear of failure, he couldn't seem to work up the courage to make a real change so he could be happy. I found both of these situations exhausting. I am not content to be stagnant and I just don't think I can date someone who is, not again.
   

Q. Finally, do you think you are too particular in selecting who you date, and that is why you are not meeting the right guy, or do you think you are not particular enough, and that is why you have had so many bad experiences?

A. BOTH! Actually, I once told someone she had every right to be as picky as she wants, but she shouldn't make excuses not to date someone. It's the difference between knowing "I'm not attracted to this person," and worrying "But what if I'm not attracted to him?"

In the past couple of years I have really been working on striking the balance between giving guys more of a chance to win me over and listening to my instincts about when it will only end in misery. (My gut has a really high rate of accuracy. Problems tend to ensue when I don't listen to it.)

And here ends the interview! Thank you, CD! This was a fun batch of questions.