Mr. Next Door & Something Refreshing

I have a crush, and it's not on Mr. Charming.

…okay, well to be fair, Mr. Charming still makes my heart go pitter-patter, but he's also exhausting. I don't like the amount of time I spend thinking about him, knowing that he's probably not thinking about me. Or if he is thinking about me, he's damned good at hiding it. Which to be perfectly honest, isn't that much better. Why hide it? I'm making my interest pretty obvious here, bro. You literally have nothing to lose, seeing as we left my dignity at the last rest stop 20 miles back.

He's been missing in action since the cookout last week, working almost non-stop (which, admittedly, is starting to explain the lost month to me a little bit.), so I've been left feeling very…bored. Bored and restless. Not a good combination.

A Matter of Trust

"Do you trust me?"

I don't know.

I know you've been waiting to hear this with baited breath. Mr. Charming's home from Greece. He had a spectacular time, as he showed me in his vacation photos, most of which displayed him either alone or in the company of male friends. If there were any other variety, I was thankfully shielded from those.

The funny thing is I was kept quite busy while he was gone, between work and out-of-town visitors. So I was amply distracted from treacherous thoughts of what he might be getting up to on his vacation half-way around the world.

But Wednesday was more difficult. I had an airport standby shift at work, and my mind had a little too much freedom to wander as I sat there for several hours with nothing to do. So I texted Mags, double-checking with her on a book-club related question. And about life's more important dilemmas:

<<<<Also, I have been doing sooo well this week about not thinking about Charming and definitely NOT picturing bikini-clad Greek girls seducing him, but I'm on airport standby with nothing to do for 6 hrs but read and now my brain won't shut up about it!!!!! ARGH!

It Appears I Have a Pattern

It's happening again: My annual "Screw this, I'm single and fabulous," attitude is settling in. Of course, it is inconveniently occurring during dating season, and come next winter I will probably be miserably bemoaning my loneliness once again.

Good job, emotions. Nice timing.

This recurring phenomenon has, as usual, been preceded by about a month or so of sheer desperation and/or carelessness. Now, this year, I wouldn't exactly call myself "desperate," but for the last several weeks I have definitely been using dating apps like it's my job, however fruitlessly. And careless? Well, I would say reaching out to Mr. Charming after his mysterious absence definitely qualifies.

What's great about this time of year for me is that it's kind of like hitting a peak speed in a sprint, followed swiftly by a cool-down period. You gave it a good shot, I tell myself, but men in general kind of suck, so who needs them anyway? Then, apparently, I unintentionally make drastic, life-altering decisions.

This morning, as I sip my coffee, I've been reviewing the last few years, and the odd things that have happened around this time.

Pen Pals Need Not Apply

Bumble is driving me batshit crazy. I don't know if it's the app or the men, or if it's simply the kind of men that this app attracts that are causing the problem, but I'm getting sick and tired of making small talk.

I know we've talked about it before, but I'm still going to walk you through a basic break-down of how Bumble works.

Think of a deck of cards, each one for a different man/woman (depending on your preference). The card contains up to six photos of a person. It pulls your age, job, and alma mater from your Facebook profile. And, you have the option to fill out a little "About Me" section. Here's mine:

An Abundance of Charm

"Lately I've been writing desperate love songs. 

I mostly sing them to the wall." 

All Your Life

The Band Perry 

I spent the last week and a half hidden away in a cabin on a South Carolina lake, with only my parents and their dog for company. It was in many ways a welcome respite from my regular life, although it was not the original plan for my vacation time. Sadly, several things got in the way of my mother's and my intentions to go to Europe, starting first with the continued hassle of renewing my apartment lease and finishing with my mother taking ill. (She's well now, but she was bed-ridden in terrible pain for days.)

Basically what I'm saying is I got an overdose of "me time" and although I'm now sporting a nice summer glow and have finally learned how to dock the pontoon boat on my own, there were days when I thought the isolation would drive me crazy.

What's new? Mostly people's reactions to my last post. It's an interesting thing to have so many people with the same endgame (my happiness) so strongly disagree. After hearing that I had sought out Mr. Charming's company, many friends expressed intrigue or various shows of support. After all, the move was a bit unlike me, but I was telling the story with a grin on my face so there did not appear to be immediate need for worry. Still, at least one person expressed extreme distaste for my behavior. And my mother is always horrified when I text a boy first, no matter the circumstances. So rest assured that whichever place on the spectrum your opinion on my recent decision-making occupies, I've probably gotten an earful of it from one source or another. 

Mr. Charming? Oh he's doing well. Still firing off more mixed signals than a broken traffic light, but yes, very well indeed.